Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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