I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
