WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
