I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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