i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
