my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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