But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
