Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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