you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
