Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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