Define "chronic" masturbator.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
love makes seman taste better
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
