Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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