i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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