omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
