foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
