im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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