You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
