i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize