SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
