I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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