I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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