Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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