I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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