So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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