:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
