Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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