So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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