yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
