Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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