his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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