i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
