oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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