Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
