I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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