Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
