So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
