No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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