While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I pour the whiskey from now on
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
