Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
