you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
