I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
