i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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