can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
