Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
