come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
