i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
