You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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