you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
