Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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