I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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