My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
