I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
