just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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