i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
