The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
