just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
