Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
