How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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