I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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