I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
