allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
