so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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