Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
