sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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