So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
