so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We're too hungover to prance.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
