I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize