You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
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YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I party with great urgency now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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