i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
