note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
