So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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