You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
