we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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