drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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