plz talk dirty to me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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