I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
