maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
