I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They took my balls.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
