Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Randomize
