The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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