High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
