well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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