just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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