yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
