shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
